here am i.

i want to be like elijah,
full of zeal.

i want to be like isaiah,
undone by the high and holy vision of God,
answering, 'here am i.'

i want to be like leah,
turning my wounds into praise.

ABIDE.

such a beautiful and enduring,

such a challenging
and truth-filled
and exacting

kind of word.

becoming.

"what i loved in the beginning, i think, was mostly myself.
never mind that i had to, since somebody had to.
that was many years ago.
since then i have gone out from my confinements,
though with difficulty.

i mean the ones that thought to rule my heart.
i cast them out, i put them on the mush pile.
they will be nourishment somehow (everything is nourishment
somehow or another).

and i have become the child of the clouds, and of hope.
i have become the friend of the enemy, whoever that is.
i have become older and, cherishing what i have learned,
i have become younger.

and what do i risk to tell you this, which is all i know?
love yourself. then forget it. then, love the world."

(mary oliver)

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Lord, i believe.
help my unbelief.