also.

i wanted
the past to go away, i wanted
to leave it, like another country; i wanted
my life to close, and open
like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song
where it falls
down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;
i wanted
to hurry into the work of my life; i wanted to know,
whoever i was, i was

alive
for a little while.

***

also i wanted
to be able to love. and we all know
how that one goes,
don't we?

slowly.

mary oliver.

centered.

"whoever does not accept himself is engrossed with himself."

oh Lord,

may i learn to have grace for myself, so that i may forget myself.

amen.

why. who.

"woman, he said, why are you weeping?
who is it you are looking for?"

-Jesus, after His mighty resurrection, to mary in her grief.

holy, holy, holy.

Ah,
those who never give a thought
to the plan of the Lord,
and take no note
of what He is designing.

Ah,
those who say,
'let Him speed, let Him hasten His purpose,
if we are to give thought;
let the plans of the Holy One of Israel
be quickly fulfilled,
if we are to give heed.'

Ah,
those who are so wise
in their own opinion;
so clever
in their own judgement!

_

for My plans are not your plans,
nor are My ways your ways
-declares the Lord.

but as high as the heavens are high above the earth,
so are My ways high above your ways
and My plans above your plans.

_

the Lord is NOT SLOW in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

_

holy, holy, holy!
the Lord of Hosts!
His presence fills all the earth!

_

isaiah 5. isaiah 6. isaiah 55. 2 peter 3. amen.

february 21.

"when you pass through the waters, I will be with you."

-the Lord, isaiah 43.

sweeter than.

"laughter is holier than piety, freedom sweeter than fame."

-tom robbins.

but yet.

"among us there is sin, injustice, and temptation, but yet, somewhere on earth there is someone holy and exalted. he has the truth; he knows the truth; so it is not dead upon the earth; so it will come one day to us, too, and rule over all the earth according to the promise."

-fyodor dostoyevsky.

we ourselves.

"as a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more naive and simple-hearted than we suppose. and we ourselves are, too."

-fyodor dostoyevsky.

"can you learn about yourself without judging yourself?
will you just let yourself do that?"

-shea.

voice.

let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed
rejoice.
hide your face from my sins.

create in me a pure heart,
do not cast me from your
presence
or take your Holy Spirit
from me.

open my lips,
and my mouth will declare
your praise.

psalm 51, excerpts.

dear heart,

always remember.

a name
is not a leash.

and now.

and now the boy is turning to me. 'tell me,' he asks, 'what have you done with my future, what have you done with your life?'

and i tell him i have tried.

-elie wiesel.

tear it open.

something something something,
always working to make God seem so small.

and yet, beyond this veil thrown over our eyes,

GOD REIGNS.
GOD REIGNS.
GOD REIGNS.

the revelation of Love.

God is love.

First of all, for the sake of clarity, this sentence is to be read with the emphasis on the word God, whereas we have fallen into the habit of emphasizing the word love. God is love; that is to say not a human attitude, a conviction or a deed, but God Himself is love. Only he who knows God knows what love is; it is not the other way around; it is not that we first of all by nature know what love is and therefore know also what God is. No one knows God unless God reveals Himself to him. And so no one knows what love is except in the self-revelation of God. Love, then, is the revelation of God. And the revelation of God is Jesus Christ. 'In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him' (1 John 4). God's revelation in Jesus Christ, God's revelation of His love, precedes all our love towards Him. Love has its origin not in us but in God. Love is not an attitude of men but an attitude of God. 'Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins' (1 John 4). Only in Jesus Christ do we know what love is, namely, in his deed for us. 'Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid down his life for us' (1 John 3). And even there is given no general definition of love, in the sense, for example, of its being the laying down of one's life for the loves of others. What is here called love is not this general principle but the utterly unique event of the laying down of the life of Jesus Christ for us. Love is inseparably bound up with the name of Jesus as the revelation of God. The Christian Scriptures answers the question 'what is love?' quite unambiguously by pointing solely and entirely to Jesus Christ. He is the only definition of love. But again it would be a complete misunderstanding if we were to derive a general definition of love from our view of Jesus Christ and of His deed and suffering. Love is not was He does and what He suffers, but it is what He does and what He suffers. Love is always He Himself. Love is always God Himself.

Love is always the revelation of God in Jesus Christ.

-dietrich bonhoeffer.

113.

who is like the Lord our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,
who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?

He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap.

praise the Lord.

psalm 113.

story.

"your story is that you have been created to praise and glorify God - all moral life derives from that truth."

-stanley hauerwas.