12.

help, o L-RD!
for the faithful are no more;
the loyal have vanished from among men. 

men speak lies to one another;
their speech is smooth;
they talk with duplicity.

may the L-RD cut off all flattering lips,
every tongue that speaks arrogance.
they say, "by our tongues we shall prevail;
with lips such as ours, who can be our master?"

"because of the groans of the plundered poor and needy,
I will now act," says the L-RD.
"I will give help," He affirms to him. 

the words of the L-RD are pure words,
silver purged in an earthen crucible,
refined sevenfold.

You, o L-RD, will keep them,
guarding each from this age evermore. 
on every side the wicked roam
when baseness is exalted among men.

psalm 12.

אמת

"we make ourselves real by telling the truth."

-thomas merton.

sweeter than.

"laughter is holier than piety, freedom sweeter than fame."

-tom robbins.

but yet.

"among us there is sin, injustice, and temptation, but yet, somewhere on earth there is someone holy and exalted. he has the truth; he knows the truth; so it is not dead upon the earth; so it will come one day to us, too, and rule over all the earth according to the promise."

-fyodor dostoyevsky.

story.

"your story is that you have been created to praise and glorify God - all moral life derives from that truth."

-stanley hauerwas.

yet they remained.

"the history of abraham's people is, of course, one of unfaithfulness as well as faithfulness, yet they remained faithful enough so that they might be truthful about their unfaithfulness."

-hauerwas.

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sometimes i feel the only good and valuable thing i have to offer is my honesty, my vulnerability, my truth.

and perhaps that is enough.

perhaps.

direction.

"no other area of observance required such strict adherence to formalities as the ritual at the temple in Jerusalem. the description of the rules and customs according to which the ceremonies of sacrifice were conducted occupies almost a whole section of the mishnah. significantly, however, the two main tractates of that section begin with a statement about the inner attitude of the priest, stressing the principle that the validity of the ceremony depends first of all upon what goes on in the mind of the priest. having set forth all the minutiae of the priest's performance, the editor of the mishnah resumes the original principle and concludes the second tractate with a statement that almost sounds like a proclamation:

'it amounts to the same, whether one offers much or little - provided one directs his heart to heaven.'"

-abraham joshua heschel.

something else entirely.

"A strange thing happened then. The Speaker agreed with her that she had made a mistake, and she knew when he said the words that it was true, that his judgement was correct. And yet she felt strangely healed, as if simply speaking her mistake were enough to purge some of the pain of it. For the first time, then, she caught a glimpse of what the power of speaking might be. It wasn't a matter of confession, penance, and absolution, like the priests offered. It was something else entirely. Telling the story of who she was, and then realizing that she was no longer the same person. That she had made a mistake, and the mistake changed her, and now she would not make the mistake again because she had become someone else, someone less afraid, someone more compassionate.

If I'm not that frightened girl who heard and dared not go, who am I? But the water flowing through the grillwork had no answers. Maybe she couldn't know who she was today. Maybe it was enough to know that she was no longer who she was before."

-orson scott card, speaker for the dead.

a man of truth.

"He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth."

-rabbi Jesus.

crooked.

my friend Shea and I have had a theme for this past year: crooked.

this theme is rooted in the idea that we, on our own, are crooked and off-centered and in desperate need of guidance from someone much wiser than ourselves.

in need of a God who creates paths for us that are straight and hearts for us that are true.

oh, how deep is this need in all of us, for truth.

and sometimes it can feel so exhausting - this striving to be true.

in fact, the past year has felt in many ways like an unending battle against the crookedness of my own heart, constantly wrestling with the things I think I desire in order to line them up with the will of God.

and I have had so many moments where I just want to give up, give in, and let my crookedness win.

this straightening out business, it hurts.

and I am tired of hurting.

so very tired.

but bless God, He knows when this heart of mine needs a boost.

and He has such interesting ways of refreshing it.

Like tonight.

In one of my Biblical commentaries, I came across the following:

The name Jacob means "crookedness."

A name which God then changes to Israel, which means "he who strives with God."

A name that is taken from the root verb SARAH, which means "God will prevail."

crooked. to striving. rooted in the promise that God prevails.

and the whole thing wrapped up in two names that saturate and identify my heart.

Sarah. and Israel.

What a beautiful reminder from this gracious God.

He knows my crooked heart, and yet He calls me by a new and better name - a name that I in no way earned and absolutely do not deserve.

A name rooted in the truth that this God we serve, the One who calls us and lifts us up, will not fail.

we are crooked. we will battle and strive. and our God will prevail.

amen.

above all.

"She had wit, she had grace, she had beauty; But above all, she had truth."

-leo tolstoy.

and more so.

"For a humble person, even the most obstinate sinner deserves respect, for we do not know the essential truth about someone else. Therefore I am unable to put myself in his or her place. Truth, in its totality, is known to God alone. And He desires to be humble in going down to the level of His creatures - and joining his people in exile. From this we learn that though it is not included in the list of the biblical commandments, humility is implicit in them, for it is written "ve'halakhta bi'drakhave" or "imitatio dei": man must follow in God's ways. Just as He is humble, we must be. And more so."

-elie wiesel.

shortcomings.

"Of course, one could invent all kinds of excuses to whitewash our matriarch. We have mentioned a few. Hagar's arrogance, the bad influence Ishmael had on his little brother, the fate and future of Israel: if we try hard, we can exonerate Sarah. But apologies no longer have a place in our tradition. We are sufficiently mature to admit our shortcomings - especially since Scripture itself chooses not to conceal them. The patriarchs are neither infallible saints nor angels. They are human beings with impulses of grandeur and weakness. They love, they know fear, they hate and say so, they try to go beyond their condition and share in God's vision of creation. When Sarah is hurt, she admits it; when she is jealous, she shows it. Whatever she is, she is no hypocrite."

-elie wiesel, wise men and their tales.

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