crooked.

my friend Shea and I have had a theme for this past year: crooked.

this theme is rooted in the idea that we, on our own, are crooked and off-centered and in desperate need of guidance from someone much wiser than ourselves.

in need of a God who creates paths for us that are straight and hearts for us that are true.

oh, how deep is this need in all of us, for truth.

and sometimes it can feel so exhausting - this striving to be true.

in fact, the past year has felt in many ways like an unending battle against the crookedness of my own heart, constantly wrestling with the things I think I desire in order to line them up with the will of God.

and I have had so many moments where I just want to give up, give in, and let my crookedness win.

this straightening out business, it hurts.

and I am tired of hurting.

so very tired.

but bless God, He knows when this heart of mine needs a boost.

and He has such interesting ways of refreshing it.

Like tonight.

In one of my Biblical commentaries, I came across the following:

The name Jacob means "crookedness."

A name which God then changes to Israel, which means "he who strives with God."

A name that is taken from the root verb SARAH, which means "God will prevail."

crooked. to striving. rooted in the promise that God prevails.

and the whole thing wrapped up in two names that saturate and identify my heart.

Sarah. and Israel.

What a beautiful reminder from this gracious God.

He knows my crooked heart, and yet He calls me by a new and better name - a name that I in no way earned and absolutely do not deserve.

A name rooted in the truth that this God we serve, the One who calls us and lifts us up, will not fail.

we are crooked. we will battle and strive. and our God will prevail.

amen.