dear heart,

"oh, i beg you, lay hold to this precious thought, wholeness in Jesus! for you are complete in Him. let yourself rejoice, for you are accepted into the beloved, what is there to fear? live near your Master, for with your liberator's garments on, you are as holy as the Holy One."

-chs.

this moment.

"it was the eve of the Sabbath when they left the cave, and as they came out they saw an old man carrying two bundles of myrtle in his hand, a sweet-smelling herb having the perfume of paradise.
-what are these for, they asked him.
-they are in honor of the Sabbath, the old man replied.
said Rabbi Shimeon to his son:
-behold and see how dear God's commands are to Israel...

at that moment they both found tranquility of soul."

-abraham joshua heschel.

infinitude.

"We poor human creatures are constantly being frustrated by limitations imposed upon us from without and within. The days of the years of our lives are few, and swifter than a weaver's shuttle. Life is a short and fevered rehearsal for a concert we cannot stay to give. Just when we appear to have attained some proficiency we are forced to lay our instruments down. There is simply not enough time to think, to become, to perform what the constitution of our natures indicates we are capable of.

How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none. For Him time does not pass, it remains; and those who are in Christ share with Him all the riches of limitless time and endless years. God never hurries. Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves. For those out of Christ, time is a devouring beast; before the sons of the new creation time crouches and purrs."

-aw tozer.

flee.

"Up now, slight man! Flee for a little while your occupations; hide yourself for a time from your disturbing thoughts. Cast aside now your burdensome cares, and put away your toilsome business. Yield room for some little time to God, and rest for a little time in Him. Enter the inner chamber of your mind; shut out all thoughts save that of God and such as can aid you in seeking Him. Speak now, my whole heart! Speak now to God, saying, I seek Your face; Your face, Lord, will I seek."

-anselm.

ever jubilant.

"but let all who take refuge in You rejoice,
ever jubilant as You shelter them;
and let those who love Your name exult in You.
for You surely bless the righteous man, O Lord,
encompassing him with favor like a shield."

-psalm 5.

abide.

"the world and all its desires pass away, but the one who practices the desire of God abides in eternity."

1 john 2.

wait.

"Moses hasn't uttered a word yet. Impressed, deeply moved, he waits. God informs him of a critical situation, so he listens. For the moment, it is his only duty: to be there and open his ears."

-elie wiesel, regarding the call of God to Moses.

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This little passage served as a good reminder for me today. Life isn't always about going, doing, achieving for God. Sometimes obedience merely looks like being still, letting God speak.

It reminds me of Henri Nouwen's advice; we need to learn how to be silent and useless before the Father, allowing ourselves to be open to His voice.

And today I hear Him whispering, reassuring, calming with it's tenderness:

"Be still. My child, be still."

My experience thus far has taught me that there is no greater healing force than the act of being still before the Father.

His presence alone is enough.

be still.

be still.

be still.

identity.

"I very much believe that the core moment of Jesus' public life was the baptism in the Jordan, when Jesus heard the affirmation, "You are my beloved on whom my favor rests." That is the core experience of Jesus. He is reminded in a deep, deep way of who he is.

The temptations in the desert are temptations to move him away from that spiritual identity. He was tempted to believe he was someone else: You are the one who can turn stone into bread. You are the one who can jump from the temple. You are the one who can make others bow to your power.

Jesus said, "No, no, no. I am the Beloved from God." I think his whole life is continually claiming that identity in the midst of everything.

Prayer, then, is listening to that voice - to the one who calls you Beloved. It is to constantly go back to the truth of who we are and claim it for ourselves.

I'm not what I do. I'm not what people say about me. I'm not what I have. My life is rooted in my spiritual identity.

Whatever we do, we have to go back regularly to that core identity."

-henri nouwen.

let go.

what an incredible, perspective-shattering week this has been.

God has been showing me, ever-so-slowly, how mixed up is my understanding of grace. I continuously try to earn this gift He has already worked so hard to give me. In the back of my mind lingers the constant lie that I have to be perfect to be worthy of love - especially love so grand as His.

But this week (this year, really) God has been faithfully breaking down my misconceptions of grace and teaching me that all of my attempts to earn it are loading me down under a heavy burden of guilt.

what I do can never be enough. I am constantly failing.

In the midst of this lesson, God whispers to me:

sarah. accept my grace by offering some grace to yourself. it's ok. you are forgiven and cherished solely because I have summoned you. let it go. give me this guilt you have managed to bury yourself under and rest on my work alone. I paid a high price for you. don't brush what i did aside to try and earn it on your own. take grace. it's free.

rest in my work, not yours.

so then. once again i work to reorient myself. once again i do my best to teshuvah (turn, answer) towards what is true.

i can rest. i am free.
simply because I am His.

I am free by His work alone.

bless You Lord, for this yoke that is easy.

bless You, Lord, for the lightness of this grace.

freedom.

"I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart FREE."

-psalm 119.

a new kind of ok.

God's grace is so refreshing. And it shows up in the most surprising of places. I had a rough couple days this week, battling with a lot of fear and unrest. In the midst of it all, I cried out to God, and He answered with such interesting grace. So interesting and so funny that my heart can't seem to stop thinking on it and reflecting in its light and feeling grateful to this God who lets me call Him my own - this God who summons me and offers me His Name.

It feels like falling in love.

Last night, I listened to a Tim Keller sermon about the shock and oddity of Paul's claims to the new believers that it didn't matter if a person decided to get married or be single or stay a widower - all ways were good.

Why could Paul claim this to a society whose lifeblood was the family?

Because now we have JESUS.

Jesus. lover of souls. provider. identity-maker. value-giver. protector. companion. the ultimate bridegroom.

On top of that, we get to be part of a community of believers that offers many of those very same things.

We are surrounded, on all sides, by love.

What blessing. What privilege. What comfort. What joy.

No matter our status or circumstances, we'll be ok, because God set up for us a community of people that takes care of each other.

We'll be ok because Jesus loves all of us more than we could ever need.

ever-present.

"Send forth Your light and Your truth;

they will lead me;

they will bring me to Your holy mountain,

to Your dwelling place,

that I may come to the altar of God,

God, my delight, my joy;

that I may praise you,

Oh God, my God.

Why so downcast, my soul,

why disquieted within me?

Have hope in God;

I will yet praise Him,

my ever-present help,

My God."

psalm 43.

Abide.

"Peace comes from seeking and abiding, not from knowing."

-- MP Mckee.

Beauty Is.

In Costa Rica, the whole beauty routine felt pretty pointless.

-----

There was no use doing my hair, because the heat would just wreck it or the rain would just drench it.

There was no use putting on make-up, because it would just melt off.

And there was no use wearing anything but tank tops, because it was so blasted hot all the time.

-----

Hair. Make-up. Clothes. - All pointless.

-----

And so, after only a few days, I stopped messing with it.

Completely.

And I found that only a few days after that, I stopped looking in the mirror as much.

And then, just a few days after that, I found myself not really thinking about the whole beauty routine thing at all.

-----

And yesterday, riding the bus to San Jose, I realized with a little surprise that I hadn't even thought to care about any of it that morning.

I had completely forgotten.

completely.

forgotten.

-----

And you know what? I love that.

It feels like freedom,

it feels like health,

it feels like rest.

And when I get back to the states, I'm going to try my best to hold on to this mindset, because to me, it feels like a different kind of beauty.

Because true beauty, I think, is the ability to forget ourselves.

And I want that kind of beauty to be first in my life.

The kind of beauty that spends time and energy seeing other people, rather than the kind that puts so much focus on how others will see me.

Abba.

God spoke a word to me this morning:

-----

"Daughter."

-----

And that,

is more than enough

manna

for today.

-----

by Him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' -- romans.

-----

The grace of our Rabbi Jesus be with you.

Enough.

A job just fell at my feet.

A job that lines up perfectly with my schedule.

A job that I desperately need.

A job that I did nothing to get.

A job that God alone provided.

-----

HE. IS. TAKING. CARE. OF. THE. DETAILS.

-----

The Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not want.

-----

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. -- malachi.

-----

I have seen Lord. Today, I see.

-----

Thank you, gracious provider, for the blessing.

Be Still.

(The Sea of Galilee. Israel, 2009)

Be still.

Oh, how many times God has reminded me of this.

He brings me back to stillness so often.

Most of the time, I think of the command to be still as a call to get rid of distractions. A call to purify my life of the busyness, to stop and listen. Let God's voice flow into my life and speak.

It is a hard thing to do.

But this week, when God said to me, "My child, be still," it seemed to mean an entirely different thing to my heart.

This time, God asked me to be still in a new way.

Because for a while now, I have been carrying around a lot of responsibility and guilt with me. It has managed to creep up slowly, telling me that it is my duty to make people happy. To take care of big needs, to release those hurts, to take care of that sadness. Slowly, the responsibility of another's wellbeing piled on, week after week in these last few months, until I had reached the point of exhaustion.

Because I can't do it.

No matter how much I try or how badly I want to, I cannot fulfill another person. I cannot fill an emptiness that only God can fill.

And when I came to Him, this tender God we serve, and said through angry tears; I. HAVE. NOTHING. LEFT.

He whispered to me, "My child. Be Still."

He said, "Let it go. This responsibility is too big for someone like you. This is the job for someone much stronger, much kinder, and someone with much more understanding.

Be still. Give this responsibility to me.

Trust. I have him. I love him. I am working on him.

He. Is. Mine.

BE. STILL.

Rest.

I am taking care of this.

Just like I'm taking care of you."

My friends, God knows us. More than we can ever begin to understand. And he knows those around us too. The ones we love so dearly. He carries all of us, watches over us, and loves us with abandon.

And He will not let us fall.

WILL NOT.

We can only do what God has equipped us for. Love.

We cannot save.

That is God's job.

And He does it well.

Rest in that.

Be still in that.

KNOW.

To be Holy.

Gan (garden) in Israel, 2009.

After creating the world, God rested.

He also deliberatly commanded us to rest every seventh day, in order to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

Holiness. Rest. Remember.

All very important ideas in the Bible.

God requires of us to take a day, once a week, to set apart and seperate, allowing us rest. But not rest like our culture defines it. These days, rest means fun. Rest means being entertained. Rest means ease.

But I think the rest that God is referring to is the kind of rest that leads to holiness.

Rest that looks back.

A time cut out to gratefully remember what the Lord has done, a time for study and being quiet and listening.

Resting the mind so that God can speak into it.

Because a sabbath is not meant to entertain, it is meant to sanctify.

To focus our minds aright and refresh them, repositioning our hearts and our thoughts back to our creator.

For He alone can give us true rest.

And holiness comes from no other place than His presence and His voice.

God created rest to center us, to bring us back to Him each week, and to set us back on the path of righteousness, again and again.

So stop sometime this week, allow yourself to rest, remember what God has done, and listen. Be still and know that He is near.

And do it because He told us to. Do it because He knows what's best for us.

Do it because it brings Him joy.

Our God. Our creator.

Longs to give us rest.

Let's walk with Him for a while.