bound.

I have loved you with an everlasting love. -jeremiah.

I have led you into the wilderness, where I spoke tenderly to you. -hosea.

My loyalty will never move from you. -isaiah.

I have betrothed you in faithfulness and grace. -hosea.

I have summoned you by name,
you are mine. -isaiah.

everything.

the incarnate Word is with us,
is still speaking, is present
always, yet leaves no sign
but everything that is.

-wendell berry.

שְׁלַח

by Your light,
do i see light.

send forth Your light and Your truth.

burden.

as prophets,

we are overwhelmed by our sympathy for God,
we are burdened by our sympathy for man.

as prophets,

we stand before the people and plead for God,
we stand before God and plead for the people.

as prophets,

we are wearied by the heaviness of sin,
we are carried by the force of this mighty Love.

the freedom of God.

"To assume that the world for all its immense grandeur is a little cymbal in the hand of God, on which at certain times only one soul vibrates though all are struck; in other words: to assume that the entire complex of natural laws is transcended by the freedom of God, would presuppose the metaphysical understanding that the laws of nature are derived not from a blind necessity but from freedom, that the ultimate is not fate but God. Revelation is not an act of interfering with the normal course of natural processes but the act of instilling a new creative moment into the course of history."

-abraham joshua heschel.

to fulfill all righteousness.

The Bible is full of patterns.

Which comes as no surprise to us, since from the very beginning we are shown that our God is full of order and plan.

Within these patterns lie powerful messages about God and His story, a truth I was reminded of recently by a teacher, who showed me the following:

Chaos. Ruach. Voice. Temptation. Sin.

1. Creation.

watery chaos covers the deep. God's breath (ruach) hovers above the waters. God speaks: "let there be..." and a new creation comes to fruition by the power of His voice. Immediately following, the people God has formed are tempted to disobey Him, their Maker. And they fall into that temptation, eat of the fruit of the forbidden tree, and sin.

2. The Flood.

God sees that the heart of man is full of deceit, and He sends a flood to destroy the men of the earth. The flood waters come and fill the earth, and the land is filled with watery chaos once again. Only Noah and his family are saved. Once the rest has been destroyed, God remembers Noah in the ark, and He sends a wind (ruach) over the earth, and the water subsides. And by His voice the Lord speaks blessing over Noah and His family, charging them to be fruitful and multiply on the earth, establishing with them a new covenant and creation. But soon after, Noah's sons are tempted by pride, and Canaan his son gives way to that pride, disrespects his father Noah, and sins.

3. The Exodus.

God hears the cry of His people, and sends His messenger, the great prophet, to bring them out of their bondage. In their escape, they find themselves trapped and hedged in by the watery chaos of the sea of reeds. But God blows His breath (ruach) and the waters split, and the Israelites walk through the sea unharmed. And by God's mighty hand, the waters cover over the Egyptians as they follow, and destroy them. And the Israelites journey into the wilderness, and come upon the mountain of the Lord. And God, by His mighty voice, speaks, and gives Moses the great Torah, His very Word, a new covenant and creation for His people. And while Moses is with God upon the mountain, the Israelites are tempted by fear and unbelief. And the people of God give in to their temptation, create a golden calf idol, and sin before the Lord their God, their Saviour.

4. The Jordan.

The Israelites prepare to cross over into the land of promise. The watery chaos of the Jordan separates them from their journey into this land. And the spirit of God (ruach) goes with them, and the waters part, and the people pass through to the other side. And God, by His mighty voice, speaks, and charges Joshua to choose twelve men, to make an altar to Him there, standing stones as a witness to His power. And the men of Israel are circumcised before the Lord that day, and a covenant is established and renewed between the Lord and His people. And the people march on to Jericho, and Achan son of Zerah and his family are tempted by greed and possession, and Achan and his family give in to their greed and disobey the proclamation of the Lord their God, take for themselves silver and gold, and sin against the Lord their God, their provider.

5. Rabbi Jesus, Messiah.

Jesus comes to John to be baptized. John tries to deter Him. Surely Jesus should be the baptizer, not the baptized. But Jesus replies, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." And Jesus enters the watery chaos of the Jordan, the waters signifying all the weight of sin, and plunges under. And then, Jesus went up out of the water, and heaven was opened, and the spirit of God (ruach) descended on Him. And a voice from heaven said, "THIS IS MY SON, whom I love; with him I am well-pleased." Immediately following this proclamation, Jesus is led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted.

And Jesus is tempted. And Jesus says, MAN DOES NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THE MOUTH OF GOD.

And Jesus is tempted. And Jesus says, DO NOT PUT THE LORD YOUR GOD TO THE TEST.

And Jesus is tempted. And Jesus says, AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! for it is written, WORSHIP THE LORD YOUR GOD, and SERVE HIM ONLY."

And this man Jesus, the gentle One, our great Rabbi and Shepherd, God's only son, and our MESSIAH,

DOES NOT SIN.

darkness driven back.
sin conquered.
righteousness fulfilled.

bless God, our Messiah changed the story.

Jesus has redeemed it.

HE HAS FINISHED IT!

wait.

"Moses hasn't uttered a word yet. Impressed, deeply moved, he waits. God informs him of a critical situation, so he listens. For the moment, it is his only duty: to be there and open his ears."

-elie wiesel, regarding the call of God to Moses.

-----

This little passage served as a good reminder for me today. Life isn't always about going, doing, achieving for God. Sometimes obedience merely looks like being still, letting God speak.

It reminds me of Henri Nouwen's advice; we need to learn how to be silent and useless before the Father, allowing ourselves to be open to His voice.

And today I hear Him whispering, reassuring, calming with it's tenderness:

"Be still. My child, be still."

My experience thus far has taught me that there is no greater healing force than the act of being still before the Father.

His presence alone is enough.

be still.

be still.

be still.

off guard.

Our worst prayers may really be our best. God seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us off guard.

-cs lewis.

Hope.

"With God, everything is possible."

matthew 19:26.

Abba.

God spoke a word to me this morning:

-----

"Daughter."

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And that,

is more than enough

manna

for today.

-----

by Him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' -- romans.

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The grace of our Rabbi Jesus be with you.

Recommendation.

I find myself wanting to quote an entire book on this blog.

For all of our sakes, I won't do that.

Instead, I am just going to recommend that you read it.

-----

In my opinion, this book is interesting. powerful. challenging. wise. beautiful. true.

-----

Check it out. Read it. Let me know if you agree.

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Philippians 2:12.

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Mountain.

I'm running.

I'm running like Elijah ran.

Away from the noise, the expectation, the questions, the chaos.

My desert, my mountain - Costa Rica.

I go there, Lord, because I'm tired.

I go there, Lord, because I need to be fed.

I go there, Lord, because I want to hear your voice.

Over the wind. Above the earthquake. Through the Fire.

Your still small voice.

I run like Elijah, Lord, trusting that You will do the same for me that you did for Him so many years ago on that mountain - trusting that You will meet me, you will speak to me, and that you will send me back again, filled up, fed, and restored for the next phase of my journey.

Speak, Lord, in these next five weeks. Help me to hear your voice above the rest.

great love.

I get lonely sometimes.

And although I am learning how to bring my loneliness to God, sometimes it doesn't go away.

Because sometimes what I am lonely for is strong, tangible arms to wrap themselves around me.

Sometimes (ok, lots of times) my loneliness is for human touch - for contact, for the physical, for someone to put their arm on my shoulder and let it rest there for a while.

And right now, that's a loneliness that can't be met in my life.

Which is hard.

And of course, lonely (duh).

But I think right now, just maybe, that kind of loneliness can be a good thing.

(it's all in how you look at it, right?)

It can be a good thing because it's a constant reminder in me of this deeply rooted desire I have to experience a great love.

A desire that was placed in me by my Creator.

A desire that motivates me to seek out not only God, but community as well.

And although, at this current moment in life, I can't get wrapped up in someone's arms or rest my head on someone's shoulder or hold someone's hand under the table - that's ok.

Because I can let God sit with me in my longings - let Him comfort me in my desires - let Him speak to me in my loneliness.

And I can be a part of the adventure He's putting in front of me, RIGHT NOW.

I can pray and love and sing and live and run and explore and journey and laugh and encourage and learn and write and be brave and study and share and smile.

And hope.

Yes, I can hope.

I can rest in the great love that is currently before me,

and I can hope.

Green Pastures.

"The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures." - Psalm 23.

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Green Pastures.

-----

The phrase conjures up an image of grassy hills that stretch for miles, green and restful and inviting; It calls to mind a soft and restful place where we can relax and forget all our troubles.

-----

And yeah, that's a nice image...but it's not really true to form.

-----

You see, the life of a Middle Eastern flock of sheep is a lot different than the life of an American one.

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In Biblical Israel, shepherding was done in the desert, and most of the time shepherds were (and still are) young Bedouin girls or very young Bedouin boys (we're talking 10 years old here. Makes the story of David a little different, yeah?).

-----

It's the shepherd's job to lead the sheep to food. And because they're in the desert, finding daily food requires a lot of traveling, both for Shepherd and for sheep. In the desert, there isn't much food to be found in a one single spot.

-----

In fact, when you look across the expanse of the desert,

all you see is brown.

All you see is rock.

All you see is dust.

-----

Take a look at this picture. I took it while standing in the Judah Wilderness, only a stone's throw away from a young Bedouin girl and her flock.

This is what they call green pastures in Israel.

A tiny little sprout, no bigger than my finger.

These little plants are scattered sporadically along the desert floor, poking their heads out every so often in little groups, a few here, a few there.

And I got to stand there, in the Judah Wilderness, in Israel, and watch a young shepherd girl lead her flock from one group of sprigs to another. She would call to her sheep and they would follow her to a certain area. She would then sit there with them for a while, watching her sheep graze, and when they had eaten all there was in one spot, she would get up, speak again, and move on.

To the next patch.

All day, every day, the shepherd leads and the sheep follows. They have to in order to stay fed. It is a continuous journey for the both of them. Because the way that the desert and green pastures are set up in Israel, there is only enough food for the moment. Just enough to have your fill.

And even that small amount has to be constantly traveled for. worked at. sought after.

And you know what? That kind of set-up, that kind of Shepherd, fits so much better with my experiences of who God is and how He leads.

For example:

I have $324.00 in my bank account right now.
I have to pay rent in 10 days.
I have to buy groceries.
I have school loans.
I have to wash my hair and buy toothpaste sometimes.
And on top of all that? I feel like God is calling me back to Israel to minister there in some way.

Hmmmm.

Last time I checked, God, $324.00 doesn't stretch that far.

But slowly (and sometimes very slowly and with MUCH patience), through my circumstances God is teaching me what He means when He calls Himself my Shepherd.

He's teaching me that it isn't about tomorrow.

It's about trusting Him, and following him, right now.

It's not my job to figure out where the provision for the future will come from. It's not even my job to figure out where I'll get it today.

Because I'm the SHEEP.

It's my job to follow my Shepherd.
It's my job to learn His voice and know it.
It's my job to trust that my Shepherd knows where He's taking me, and that where He's taking me has what I need.

The LORD is my Shepherd.
I.shall.not.want.

That's all I really need to know. And when I lay my head down on my pillow tonight, I can once again say:

Thank you Lord, I had enough today. You fed me.

And Lord?....

I trust that you will do the same, tomorrow.

...

One last thought: After Jesus had risen He came to talk to the disciples along the shore of Galilee while they were fishing. Do you remember what He said to Peter?

Feed. My. Sheep.

Not once, not twice, but three times, Jesus repeats it.

Feed my lambs. Take care of my sheep. Feed my sheep.

Jesus shepherds us. With what He teaches us, we shepherd others.

God blesses us. With what He gives us, we bless others.

We can't forget this step.

We can't forget that

it doesn't end with us.

He calls us to share it, too.

Voice.

I let people tell me who I am.

I always have.

Do you know that book, "You are Special," by Max Lucado? A simple children's book, only a few pages long.

But filled with truth.

It is the story of a little wooden toy who is covered in little red dots. Little red dots that were placed on him by others. Marks that send a message of inferiority and failure. A little toy, labeled by his peers as broken, less than, and not much.

Not all the stickers in the story are bad. There are stars that are given as well. Shiny gold ones. They are good marks, marks of success given from one peer to another.

Simply put, it is a story about value. A story about striving and approval. A story about our unceasing desire to obtain an image that is gold, shiny, and admired.

I am valuable if they label me as so. I am something if the many voices of those around me agree: "She is special."

The message behind this simple tale has always resonated with me, but never so much as it does right.now.

Because right now, at this very moment, I am at a red-dot phase in life. You see, recently I made a choice (a big choice) that many people don't agree with and don't understand. That one big choice continues to lead me to even more choices that people don't agree with and don't understand. Choices that have been marked.

wrong. ungodly. unbiblical. selfish. ugly. sinful. untrue.

And until right now, I didn't really realize.

I didn't really realize how often I cling to my bright, shiny, golden stars.
How much I strive for them, every single day.
How I desire so badly to be admired by my peers.
How I work and long and strain for the image.

I want it.

I want that mark of value and success, and I want it given to me from people. from peers. from loved ones...from EVERYONE.

And I didn't realize just how much I really do want the image until I started getting covered with little red dots.

Those dots crushed me. They left me broken and questioning who I was. They ripped my heart open and left me weak.

I was surprised to find out that all along, all this time, I have been listening to the voices of people to discover my value. I have been working and striving and sweating all these years for the approval of man.

What does she think of me? Does he think I'm beautiful? Does she believe I'm capable? Does he think I can do it?

...Who do they say I am?

Thankfully, Today, this very night, my Creator pursued me in my confusion and in my pain and reminded me of what matters most. He opened my ears and allowed me, through His incredible grace, to hear what is true.

His Voice.

Because ultimately, when the rest falls away (or sometimes, as is neccessary for a turning/repentance, when the rest is ripped away), it is His Voice that remains.

The Voice of the One that formed us.

And through His Voice (His blessed Word) He tells us that we are blessed. beautiful. radiant. brides. stones. heirs. sons and daughters. capable. sheep. powerful. full of love. disciplined. chosen. led. protected. passionate. zealous. comforted. healed. priests. grafted in. graced. good. disciples. like Him. His.

And when we begin to listen, once again, to the Voice of our Maker, we start to believe that we.are.who.He.says.we.are.

We start to hope and trust that we are all of those things. Because our Creator believes that we are. And He would know...because He made us.

He made us (and continues to make us) those things.

The more time we spend with Him, the more time we allow Him to speak into our lives and refine us, the more we become those good things.

And tonight, I needed to be reminded of that.

I needed to listen to His Voice. I needed to open up His word and read what He thinks of me. What He says of me. I needed to remember that I have been labeled by Almighty God as valuable.

Today, I ask you to allow Him to do the same for you.

Let Him remind you.
Let Him speak good things about you, pour blessing over you, begin to peel away your stars and your dots.

Allow His Voice to rise above the others.
Allow Him and Him alone to refine you and make you new and whole and better.

And when He speaks, believe.

You are all the things that He says you are.

Be Still.

(The Sea of Galilee. Israel, 2009)

Be still.

Oh, how many times God has reminded me of this.

He brings me back to stillness so often.

Most of the time, I think of the command to be still as a call to get rid of distractions. A call to purify my life of the busyness, to stop and listen. Let God's voice flow into my life and speak.

It is a hard thing to do.

But this week, when God said to me, "My child, be still," it seemed to mean an entirely different thing to my heart.

This time, God asked me to be still in a new way.

Because for a while now, I have been carrying around a lot of responsibility and guilt with me. It has managed to creep up slowly, telling me that it is my duty to make people happy. To take care of big needs, to release those hurts, to take care of that sadness. Slowly, the responsibility of another's wellbeing piled on, week after week in these last few months, until I had reached the point of exhaustion.

Because I can't do it.

No matter how much I try or how badly I want to, I cannot fulfill another person. I cannot fill an emptiness that only God can fill.

And when I came to Him, this tender God we serve, and said through angry tears; I. HAVE. NOTHING. LEFT.

He whispered to me, "My child. Be Still."

He said, "Let it go. This responsibility is too big for someone like you. This is the job for someone much stronger, much kinder, and someone with much more understanding.

Be still. Give this responsibility to me.

Trust. I have him. I love him. I am working on him.

He. Is. Mine.

BE. STILL.

Rest.

I am taking care of this.

Just like I'm taking care of you."

My friends, God knows us. More than we can ever begin to understand. And he knows those around us too. The ones we love so dearly. He carries all of us, watches over us, and loves us with abandon.

And He will not let us fall.

WILL NOT.

We can only do what God has equipped us for. Love.

We cannot save.

That is God's job.

And He does it well.

Rest in that.

Be still in that.

KNOW.

Once for All.

(Boundary Lines, farmer's fields. Israel, 2009)

God is a teacher.

He reminded me of this in a number of ways in the last few weeks by answering a few questions I put before Him (seek and you shall find), and I wanted to share today's lesson here.

The question I posed earlier this morning was based off the parable of the sower, which we studied in small group.

On a small sidenote, one thing I learned from my knowledgeable and passionate high school teacher/Israel guide, Ray VanderLaan, is that when a parable is told in the Bible, one of the most important questions the audience would ask was, "who am I in this story?"

So, as we were studying the parable of the sower, I asked myself, "what type of soil am I? Am I the hard-trodden path, the rocky soil, the thorny soil, or the good soil?" (Honestly, I think I am a combination of a few of them).

And the important conclusion I came to was that, although often I feel like the thorny soil, I desperately want to be the good soil that produces a crop.

Which brings me to the next important question to ask oneself when reading a parable: "Who is God in this story, and what is He showing us about Himself and how He relates to us?"

God is the sower, scattering seeds (His Word) onto the soil.

After answering those two questions, the thing that struck me about the parable of the sower is that the soil has to be prepared to receive the Word BEFORE God sows it. The soil has to be ready before God even comes along with the seed, or it's useless.

This implies a rather important and scary responsibility for us, the soil.

We need to prepare our hearts for God, so that when He comes to us with a promise/teaching/truth/blessing/piece of advice, we can accept/understand/hear/thank/obey whatever it is that He sowed.

If we are not prepared soil, anything that God offers us turns to nothing. It dies, useless and withered and fruitless.

It was at this point in my thinking that I posed my question to God.

"Rabbi, how do I prepare myself to produce fruit? How do I make my heart healthy and ready to receive your Word like rich soil?"

And so I layed that at His feet and went on with my day (which included Qdoba, a 7 mile run, and a LOT of reading).

At some point during my reading, I picked up "Utmost" and read Oswald's words for the day.

And not 4 hours after I asked the question, God gave me my answer.

He did what a Rabbi does.


He sowed a seed.

And what He taught (through Oswald) was this:

"The reason that the battle is lost is that you fight it first in the external world."

And so, I was forced to ask myself more hard questions...

How often, when I'm struggling with something or trying to be better, do I attempt to control and manipulate external factors in order to fix the problem?

So, so often.

How many times, when I feel sad or afraid or in need of comfort, do I turn to food or movies or books to make me feel better?

Too, too many.

Why is it, that instead of dealing with my fears, I fall into inaction, give up too easily, and accept less than the best from myself?

Because it's easier and requires less risk.

In truth, most often in my day to day, I deal with and battle the external factors of life instead of looking inward at the real problems, asking God to root them out, and fighting my true afflictions, fears, and weaknesses.

And until I stand up and commit to fighting the real battles, the battles of my heart, I will never get to a place where I can become better, stronger, and more able to bring the Kingdom.

The true battle, the first and most important battle, is deep within our hearts, where God longs to reside and speak.

To teach.

To sow.

To grow.

And so we must dig out the rocks, the thorns, and the routine buried far down within us so that God can sow truth, bravery, and love deep into the recesses of our souls.

So...how do we prepare our soil?

First, ask God what kind of soil you are to Him. Then, ask Him what needs to be removed, addressed, and rooted out to make your soil healthy.

When we ask God to show us where our true battles lie, He reveals.

And when we ask God to fight them along with us, He shows up, with power.

He waits for the invitation, He longs for the chance.

Only when we allow Him to address our hearts does change begin.

Only then will we begin to bear fruit.

Only then will we begin to bring the Kingdom.

Only then.

"I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead with certainty, knowing that the battle is won...Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once for all." - Oswald Chambers.