the old way.

"Dear brethren, our real trouble is not doubt about the way upon which we have set out, but our failure to be patient, to keep quiet.  We still cannot imagine that today God really doesn't want anything new for us, but simply to prove us in the old way.  That is too petty, too monotonous, too undemanding for us.  And we simply cannot be constant with the fact that God's cause is not always the successful one, that we really could be 'unsuccessful': and yet be on the right road.  But this is where we find out whether we have begun in faith or in a burst of enthusiasm."

-dietrich bonhoeffer.

a long process.

"The apostle Paul was one of the most mature Christians who ever walked the face of the earth. But he saw himself being torn—the flesh lusting against the spirit, and the spirit against the flesh. Paul was in the middle, having to make the choice. If he had not grown spiritually, he would never have seen the conflict; his mind would have passed right over it. Thus, on the one hand, Paul delighted in his understanding of the purpose and perfection of God's law, yet on the other, that insight produced much dismay in him because he could see how far short he fell, from time to time, of its perfection.

The existence of this inward conflict is not a sign that the person is not sanctified. As long as we are in the flesh, we will never be entirely free of this struggle. Human nature does not go down without a fight. It must be overcome! In a way, this evil entity within us actually becomes part of the means of our perfection.

Overcoming is a long process, and it requires diligent and humbling effort to subdue our human nature. However, we must never allow ourselves to fall into the attitude that all of our effort is somehow justifying us before God—even though it pleases God and gratifies us. The holiest of our actions, the holiest of the actions of the holiest saints, are still full of imperfections and defects. Even some of these are done from the wrong motive. They could even qualify as being nothing more than a splendid sin in God's sight. Nevertheless, we are saved by grace through faith. Even with that, God requires that we make an effort to do what we can on our part."

-john ritenbaugh.

try.

"it is not complicated to live a spiritual life, but it is difficult. we are blind, and subject to a thousand illusions. we must expect to be making mistakes almost all the time. we must be content to fall repeatedly and to begin again to try to deny ourselves, for the love of God.

it is when we are angry at own mistakes that we tend most of all to deny ourselves for love of ourselves. we want to shake off the hateful thing that has humbled us. in our rush to escape the humiliation of our mistakes, we run head first into the opposite error, seeking comfort and compensation. and so we spend our lives running back and forth from one attachment to another.

if that is all our self-denial amounts to, our mistakes will never help us.

the thing to do when you have made a mistake is not to give up what you were doing and start something altogether new, but to start over again with the thing you began badly and try, for the love of God, to do it well."

-thomas merton.

she will turn.

"sad words are just another beauty.  a sad story means, this storyteller is alive.  the next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile."

-chris cleave.

sanctification school.

"i cried, i think, because i was coming to understand in a new way just how much was required of me, how much God was going to strip away all my everything, like silver polish taking the tarnish off old forks. i cried because i know more and more how chekov was right, how we are all running around desperate to make connections with one another, but mostly we are all just estranged. because i know more and more that this glass here is so very dark, that this really is a long loneliness, that it is both lonely and long.

sometimes i feel God has taken a paring knife to me. i know the way an apple feels."

-lauren winner.

-----

"my child, do no regard lightly the discipline of the L-RD, or lose heart when He rebukes you; for the L-RD disciplines those He loves, and corrects every child He accepts.
now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

THEREFORE.

lift up your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."

-hebrews 12.

יַחֵל

"the L-RD delights in those who fear Him,
who wait their wait in His unfailing love."

-psalm 147.

oh L-rd,

i will tear the heart of my soul in two
and You must lay therein
You must lay yourself
in the wounds of my soul.

-mechtild of magdeburg.

concern.

"the L-rd said, 'I have indeed seen the misery of my people in egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering.
So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the egyptians and to bring them up
out of the land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey.
I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in egypt. And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery..."

God speaks, exodus 3.

שְׁלַח

by Your light,
do i see light.

send forth Your light and Your truth.

ABIDE.

such a beautiful and enduring,

such a challenging
and truth-filled
and exacting

kind of word.

"Guilt - it’s usually a lie satan is whispering in our ears, wanting to distract us from experiencing God. God desires our time + words + hearts, but He isn’t the God of guilt trips. He’s just not that passive-aggressive. That is what we put on Him, but it’s not His heart. He started telling my heart that guilt is not what that feeling is, change the way of your thinking and realize that that guilt is actually a DESIRE for more of Him. don’t let satan trick you into thinking your desire for God is a bad thing… let the Spirit reveal your heart to you and share it with God."

-mp thomas.

here is the summons...

"here is the summons to steadfastness and to loyalty from the dedicated people of God." -revelation 13:10.

"the word for steadfastness is that great word hupomone, which does not simply mean passively bearing things; it means courageously accepting the worst that life can do, and turning it into glory.

The Christian must accept what being a Christian involves. The Christian must win his battle with the world by presenting to all men the steadfastness and the loyalty which will not be moved by the fear or the favor of men."

-william barclay.

having all.

"and God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

-2 corinthians 9.

time and again.

"grace is doled out in generous, earth-shattering bits, just enough to overwhelm and humble us time and again."

-e vaughn do.

preoccupied...

"He brings everything to pass precisely at its time. He also preoccupies man with the attempt to discover the times of future events, but without ever guessing, from first to last, all the things that God brings to pass." -tanakh.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." -NIV

-ecclesiastes 3:11.

-----

(big. giant. exasperated. sigh).

LORD. teach me how to wait well.

You've got this. You've got this. You've got this.

company.

"It is common and appropriate to think that 'alone' means lonely or in need of assistance, that is, that aloneness is a badge of weakness. Weakness cries out for help, whether as companion, partner, or coworker; and God in fact offers to make a 'help' for the human being. But 'alone' could also mean self-sufficient or independent; it could be a mark of strength - real or imagined. Aloneness as strength and apparent self-sufficiency might be bad or dangerous in a variety of ways. For example, a solitary being, lacking a suitable mirror, might be incapable of self-knowledge.

For aloneness as strength, the proper remedy is weakening, caused by division, opposition, conflict.

Fittingly, God proposes an ambiguous helper. Man's helper is to be neged, that is, 'opposite' to him, 'over against' him, 'boldly in front' of him, 'in his face': the helper is to be a contra, an opponent. Putting together 'partner' and 'opposition,' God proposes to make man a counterpart. What is called for, whatever the reason, is not just another, but an other other - fitting and suitable, to be sure, but also opposed. Company here comes with difference; and as we shall see in the next chapter, la difference will turn out to make a very big difference, both for good and ill."

-leon kass, the beginning of wisdom.

maturity.

the ability to wait for things.

the fortitude to delay pleasure for a time.

the courage to hope that good fruit grows and builds out of suffering.

the active remembering of mountaintops while low in the valleys.

the rejoicing in dry and painful deserts, knowing deep down in the GUTS that God is moving.

trusting that He is seeing to it; His plan and all its details.

here.
now.

choosing, believing, declaring, and clinging to the hope that God is always working.

even when we can't see.

---

dear soul,

"Why are you downcast, o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Why are you downcast, o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Why are you downcast, o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God."

-psalms 42, 43.

the Lord is my portion.

Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed.
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning.

great is Your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him.
to the one who seeks Him;

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

-lamentations 3.