i have no idea.

"my frame was not hidden from You
when i was made in the secret place.
when i was woven together in the depths of the earth,

Your eyes saw my unformed body.
all the days ordained for me
were written in Your book
before one of them came to be."

-psalm 139.

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trying to get my heart to trust in this verse tonight. and wishing i could get a look at the next few chapters of that book.

i have no idea how to move forward.

which probably means that God wants me to keep

waiting.

repairing.

becoming.

the problem is, i don't want to do those things anymore.

i want to move forward.

but the question of moving forward keeps getting met with

silence.

darkness.

quiet.

and so i continue to wait.

but in the midst of my waiting,

my heart can't seem to stop

asking the question:

"how long,

Oh LORD?

how long?"