Light.

Today was a hard day.

(well, at least it started out that way).

This morning, for whatever reason, I was hit hard by a lot of fears, and I found myself struggling to feel God's hope. Life felt heavy, life felt scary, and everything seemed dark.

So. I prayed for some light.

I huddled on my bed, I cried, and I made this little request:

God, please. I need some LIGHT today. send me some light.

And then, after making that small request, I sat myself up and proceeded to check my Facebook page.

(I know, I know).

And it turns out that during the five minutes I was saying my prayer, my friend MP had written me a little FB message. Interestingly enough, just two days before I had told MP that her heart was like a window to God's light for me, free and open and bright - so it was pretty interesting and appropriate that she was the person to write me (God.is.so.good).

Her message said this:

i'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. -- e.e.cummings // can i getta amen, sister Sarah Hamm? they say crazy, i say trust.

They say crazy (and believe me, this is pretty normal feedback lately), I say trust. Bingo.

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LIGHT #1. Stay brave in my trust. All resources are God's. A step of faith sometimes looks crazy/unpractical/naive to the world, but that doesn't mean that it is. The vision will come, it will not delay. God did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power and of love. He leads me to green pastures. I have no need to worry. The.Lord.is.my.shepherd. I SHALL NOT want. He will astound me with wonder upon wonder. He clothes the lilies of the fields, why not me? They say crazy. I say, TRUST.
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Later that afternoon:

I got a letter in the mail from my friend Anna. It had been delayed because I recently moved. It was originally mailed June 7, 2010. It should have gotten to me much sooner than it did. But God knows His timing (blessed be His name). In this letter, my friend talked about Psalm 23 - how when the kids from her school recited it she could feel that the promise was true - that the WORD of God never returns void, that the truth of Psalm 23 would be stored in those kids' hearts, and that through it God would be given glory.

And then she quoted for me pieces of Psalm 37:

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

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LIGHT #2. God's Word never returns void. It is living, it is active, it separates bone from marrow. It is alive and relevant and powerful to my circumstances. It offers so much light, in and of itself. I am to delight in the Lord. When I do so, and only then, my desires will line up with His. God offers me safe pasture, always. God lays out land for me, a place for me to dwell. I am never without a home. And all of this is for HIS glory.
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Later that night (tonight):

Old friends are in town for my sister's wedding. I got to spend a few minutes with some of them tonight. One of them, a fellow blogger and one of the funniest people I know, had a present waiting for me. I unwrapped said present to find two of the coolest things a bag can contain: A book and a coffee mug.

But this was no ordinary book and coffee mug, this was a book and coffee mug crafted around my own personal desires, my very own heart. This was a gift from God.

The first present, the book, is titled "Just say Nu, Yiddish for every occasion (when English just won't do)." Incredible. I jumped up and down from joy. The second present, the coffee mug, is chocolate-colored and has beautiful HEBREW writing on it. I almost couldn't believe it - I have been on the lookout for a coffee mug with Hebrew writing for months now. It was one of my those desires of mine - a desire of my heart.

So no. This was no ordinary present - no ordinary book and coffee mug.

This book and coffee mug were LIGHT.

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LIGHT #3. God loves in the most amazing and intimate ways. He is a romancer of my heart. He knows me, He sees me, and He hears my prayers. He rushes in to take care. Even in the very small things, He is fully present. In the desert, His still small voice allures, speaks tenderly. He longs to show me compassion. He delights in me.
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1. 2. 3.
light. light. light.

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God's love is so amazing.
Again and again, I am blown away by the power and the nearness of it - its ability to rush in and surprise me.
This God of ours hears our prayers. He uplifts our souls and sets them free. He illuminates life's details and romances our hearts - deeply. personally. faithfully.
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So tonight, I want to thank Him.
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God of Glory, blessed King, lover of souls:
I thank you.praise you.glorify you.
for Your
incredible gift of
LIGHT.
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Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth.
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Baruch Ha-Shem.