Being.

I'm frustrated tonight.

Really frustrated.

Angry, even.

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I'm angry because I have a very important life decision to make, and I just want God to tell me what to DO.

And He won't.

Instead, He keeps repeating to me over and over and over again who He wants me to BE.

And it drives me crazy because I live in a culture that DOES things in order to BE things.

But apparently God's culture looks a little different than mine.

Apparently God wants me to BE things so that I am equipped to DO things.

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Identity, then fruit.

not the other way around.

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The BEING, the WHO I AM, my IDENTITY IN JESUS, is step one.

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And I am challenged, once again tonight, to be intentional about what it means to BE.

Because I think for us to walk like Jesus did requires from us a constant state of surrender towards God's will.

It requires us to be a person who can say, in any circumstance, "not my will, but Yours Lord, be done."

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And getting to that point of surrender takes some wrestling. It takes some hard, intense prayer. And it takes a lot of time spent with God's Word.

Even Jesus himself, our Rabbi and example, had to wrestle against his own will in order to align it with God's.

Before He went to the cross, he prayed all night on top of the Mount of Olives, struggling and wrestling and pleading with God about His calling, asking Him to align his spirit with God's. He did this so that when the time came, He would be able to rise to the obedience that was required of Him with a submissive heart and say, "Father, Your will be done."

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Being like Jesus means doing everything possible to reach a point where our hearts and our desires are totally surrendered to God's will.

Whatever it takes - whether that's praying all night on a mountain (or maybe going to Costa Rica for five weeks?) - whatever it looks like for us to find surrender - we need to do it. And we can't don't until we reach the point of submission. Work it out with God, wrestle with Him, until we find ourselves able to accept (humbly and with gratitude) what He is asking of us.

Because when we are people who can say, "Not my will, but Yours, Lord," then we will be people who are able to do what is right and what is good and what God desires of us.

And it won't always be easy. Jesus showed us that.

But it will always be blessed.

And it will always bear fruit.

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And the idea of fruit fits in well with what Tim Keller says - that BEING is not mechanical, it's organic.

Being happens on the inside, and it's complex and grows and is ALIVE.

It is something that is planted, takes root, and transforms inside of us into something bigger and much more beautiful than when it began.

And that kind of change, the organic kind, requires assistance.

The growth and change of Being requires the Spirit of God.

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And so, tonight, I shift my prayers.

Instead of asking God what I should DO,

I stand before Him and I ask Him

to FILL ME with His Spirit.

I ask Him to REVEAL HIMSELF to me

and let His presence wash over me, root in me, and begin to grow.

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And I will do this,

the asking, the seeking, the wrestling,

again and again,

until I can say, "Your will be done."