even the whole world.

"Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

-john 21.

crooked.

my friend Shea and I have had a theme for this past year: crooked.

this theme is rooted in the idea that we, on our own, are crooked and off-centered and in desperate need of guidance from someone much wiser than ourselves.

in need of a God who creates paths for us that are straight and hearts for us that are true.

oh, how deep is this need in all of us, for truth.

and sometimes it can feel so exhausting - this striving to be true.

in fact, the past year has felt in many ways like an unending battle against the crookedness of my own heart, constantly wrestling with the things I think I desire in order to line them up with the will of God.

and I have had so many moments where I just want to give up, give in, and let my crookedness win.

this straightening out business, it hurts.

and I am tired of hurting.

so very tired.

but bless God, He knows when this heart of mine needs a boost.

and He has such interesting ways of refreshing it.

Like tonight.

In one of my Biblical commentaries, I came across the following:

The name Jacob means "crookedness."

A name which God then changes to Israel, which means "he who strives with God."

A name that is taken from the root verb SARAH, which means "God will prevail."

crooked. to striving. rooted in the promise that God prevails.

and the whole thing wrapped up in two names that saturate and identify my heart.

Sarah. and Israel.

What a beautiful reminder from this gracious God.

He knows my crooked heart, and yet He calls me by a new and better name - a name that I in no way earned and absolutely do not deserve.

A name rooted in the truth that this God we serve, the One who calls us and lifts us up, will not fail.

we are crooked. we will battle and strive. and our God will prevail.

amen.

above all.

"She had wit, she had grace, she had beauty; But above all, she had truth."

-leo tolstoy.

consumer to steward.

Augustine said that the way to resist is not just to stand up against the onslaught of advertising - the way to resist is to learn a new set of desires.

The problem does not lie in the spending, but in the wanting.

We have to drop down into the level of the soul and recognize that long before anything is paid for, it is wanted.

And so the process of moving from consumer to steward is the process of rewiring the desires that drive the disciple.

-steve deneff.

the Lord is my portion.

Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed.
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning.

great is Your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him.
to the one who seeks Him;

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

-lamentations 3.

wait.

"Moses hasn't uttered a word yet. Impressed, deeply moved, he waits. God informs him of a critical situation, so he listens. For the moment, it is his only duty: to be there and open his ears."

-elie wiesel, regarding the call of God to Moses.

-----

This little passage served as a good reminder for me today. Life isn't always about going, doing, achieving for God. Sometimes obedience merely looks like being still, letting God speak.

It reminds me of Henri Nouwen's advice; we need to learn how to be silent and useless before the Father, allowing ourselves to be open to His voice.

And today I hear Him whispering, reassuring, calming with it's tenderness:

"Be still. My child, be still."

My experience thus far has taught me that there is no greater healing force than the act of being still before the Father.

His presence alone is enough.

be still.

be still.

be still.

new.

What is conversion in reality?

a rupture of being.

a breakdown of existing structures.

a reorientation of the will.

a metamorphosis of the soul.

a transfusion of memory.

-elie wiesel.